When it’s got big yellow and blue stickers on and flashing blue lights on top – that’s when !!!
What is it with alcoholically deranged people that insist on flagging down every passing police car in Bigtown on a Friday and Saturday night and asking, nay demanding, a lift home ?
My colleagues and I have heard all the excuses from ‘I’m lost’ to ‘you’ve got to take me home, it’s the law’ to ‘if I get punched/raped/murdered/covered in cold sloppy custard it will be your fault’.
Needless to say this always happens within a few feet of the nearest waiting taxi or mini-cab and is always met with great politeness from your upstanding and patient law enforcement souls, along with a friendly indicator aka pointing finger, towards the said waiting conveyance.
The response is generally something slurred which I believe is meant to say “But I’m afraid, my fine and upstanding member of the law enforcement community, it appears that I have foolishly relieved myself of all my appropriate funding to employ the operator of that said carriage to deliver me to my homestead”. However, it normally comes out as something like “Blurrgghh uuurrrkkk aaarrrgghhh” followed by projectile vomiting.
Personally I like to be consistent, so my reply is always, without fail, along the lines of “Taxi, walk or a lift to the cells”. Strangely, despite being drunk to the level they they can’t even remember their own gender, not many opt for option 3.
By the way, the picture at the top of this post is not a trick of Photoshop – many American police forces have ‘cruisers’ liveried like this to act as a warning to potential drink drivers and night time drunks about what will happen. Many taxi companies even pay to have their phone number on the back of the police vehicle so the ever-helpful gun-totting American cop doesn’t even have to speak – he can just grunt back and point …… or just shoot ….. which is what probably happens.