Chaos Log ….. Stardate 08.40.100312 ….. these are the ramblings of a now very tired and worn out response bobby, who’s had enough of having to deal with drunken buffoons all night with less than half a shift strength ….. again.
Not sure what went wrong last night; middle of the month so not a pay day blow out, but crikey the Neanderthals of Bigtown were well at it. Only six of us on (including the skipper) – it appears to our Duties department that having two of your shift doing ‘Acting Sergeant’ on another squad still counts as having them with you on a Friday night (on paper anyway) as does having one varied for court, two on a First Aid refresher and one off for the night.
Bearing in mind we only took over the helm from the Late Shift at 22.30, the course of the night was set at 22.40 as we drove onto the High Street just as a car drove at us down the middle of the road, very slowly, with no lights on. Minutes later and the driver was in the back of the ChaosMobile, having blown 98 !!!
It went rapidly downhill from there. We were still on our way to custody with our quarry when the burglary in progress report came in. With two of us tied up now, two of the others at a domestic and only another two on duty, we had no choice but to divert towards the second scene. Luckily our new friend was more than happy to come along for the ride, commenting it was like something out of Traffic Cops, even asking if he could press the buttons for the lights and sirens !!! – never had such a happy prisoner in the back (not sure what the Super would have to say about it though if they found out).
As luck would have it, help had come our way in the guise of the next-door neighbours who had already ‘apprehended’ the burgling miscreants (and contained them in the back of their van awaiting our arrival). Actually I think the light-fingered little mites were rather glad to see us, probably fearing that they were about to be driven away in the said van, never to be seen again. So off we set to Custody again, our happy-go-lucky drink driver sat up front with my colleague, and me in the back with one of the unlucky burglars, holding down the now tormented soul who realised all was not lost and was not happy with his situation. Our front seat passenger did, more than once, offer to swop places with me and ‘teach the thieving f’in scum a proper lesson’ (that’s the polite version) but I did have to decline his kind offer.
And so the night went on. One of the other crews, by sheer stoke of luck (or though they claim it to have been a proactive, intelligence led, targeted mission) turned onto the Primrose Gardens estate just as Drunken Duncan and one of his mates were redecorating the windows of the parade of shops with a recently acquired piece of scaffold pole. Not sure the fractured glass look is my thing, but it takes all sorts.
Later in the night we had a further FIVE drink drivers; rounded up the obligatory three for drunk and disorderly and two for assault, all drunken pub and club related violence and then, at 04.30, just as had finished booking all our guests into their new hotel rooms, the call from Control came to say the local Tesco had detained a shoplifter who was not happy with his lot either and was making life difficult for the store staff.
Who on earth decides to go shoplifting at 4.30 in the morning !!! and more importantly who thinks they are going to walk into the local Tesco, pick up a 32” flat screen TV and walk out without paying, and not be noticed. Other than the local taxi drivers buying loads of Fabrese to get the smell of vomit out of the back of their cabs, there’s no one else in there at that time of the morning !!
Still , that’s 16 arrests in one night between 6 of us – not a bad turn out, just a pain in the a*&e will all the paperwork that followed, but then none of us were off before 08.25, and it was our last night before rest days – every cloud and all that
That’s it. Off to bed now at last. Good night all !