This map is not to be taken as the final official route, (hopefully GMP will be releasing an official and more accurate route on Monday) but this diagram serves to show the approximate procession route from Quay Street to the Cathedral at the ‘city centre’ end of Deansgate.
The road area shaded in purple is likely to be where officers, staff and public are asked to line the route although again, this is not a confirmed final but purely based on information passed so far.
It also shows the location of car parking and Manchester Victoria railway station for information and your planning.
On both Facebook and Twitter, many kind people have made offers to provide accommodation and other facilities for people travelling to Manchester from all over the UK for the funerals of PC’s Fiona Bone and Nicola Hughes.
In the absence of any better system of collating and communicating this information, can I ask simply that anyone who is able to provide assistance to police officers or other people who wish to attend the funerals, leaves some form of contact details as a ‘Comment’ on this page.
If you don’t see a ‘Comments Box’ at the bottom of this article, click on ‘Leave A Comment’ or ‘XX Comments’ at the top of the page, just under the title and at the end of all the ‘tags’
Please bear in mind though that this is a publically accessible webpage, so don’t go leaving any information you would not want the world to see !! – consider using a separate ‘Gmail’ or ‘Hotmail’ email address, or you can get a free vanity ‘07XXX’ phone number which you can redirect to your mobile from companies such as Open Telecom, UK Number, DataCalls and many more – just do a Google Search for ‘Free UK Personal Number’ or ‘Free UK 070 Number’.
Please click on the image below to open a higher resolution A4 sized version.
Right click on the image, SAVE PICTURE AS and then it can be printed off and posted very prominently around your place of work to make sure as many people as possible are aware of #OperationDeansgate.
Following the announcement yesterday by GMP DCC Ian Hopkins regarding ongoing planning for the funerals of PC’s Fiona Bone and Nicola Hughes at Manchester Cathedral next week, and the subsequent announcement that GMP will only be requesting a two nominated officers from each police force to #CoverForGMP, I am moving to ‘Plan B’, otherwise known as OPERATION DEANSGATE.
There are sound operational reasons why GMP have been unable to take up our kind offers to cover the streets of Manchester whilst their own officers paid their respects and these, we cannot argue with I’m afraid.
However, we can, and must, still ‘do our bit’. – Over 5,000 police officers, staff and members of the public pledged their support for #CoverForGMP on Facebook and Twitter in the days following the horrific cold-blooded murders of our two colleagues Fiona and Nicola.
These are everyday people, so shocked, alarmed and distressed about what happened on the streets of Manchester on September the 18th that they, like myself, feel the need to pay our respects and to honour the memory of PC’s Fiona Bone and Nicola Hughes.
We ALL need to show Fiona and Nicola’s families, their friends and colleagues at GMP, and the wider community of Manchester and indeed the whole country, that we all stand together, united in our grief and bewilderment at last weeks awful events.
To that end, this is the plan, and it’s very simple :
The funeral of PC Nicola Hughes will take place at 13.00 hours (1.00pm) on Wednesday 3rd October
The funeral of PC Fiona Bone will take place at 10.00 hours (10.00am) on Thursday 4th October
Both funerals will take place at Manchester Cathedral, Victoria Street, Manchester M3 1SX
I want as many people as possible to make their way to Manchester on either or both of the days. Over 5,000 people initially said YES to #CoverForGMP. I appreciate a number of these volunteers will be unable to attend due to work commitments, but if you are available, please make every possible effort to be there. We need to show Fiona and Nicola’s families very strongly what the loss of two police officers means to us all and that we are there to support them in any way we can.
Please make your way to DEANSGATE, MANCHESTER, between the areas of Quay Sreet, near the Great Northern Amphitheatre – postcode M3 4EN, and the MEN Arena and Victoria Railway Station – postcode M3 1AR, as early in the day as possible. From there people will be directed and assisted by GMP staff.
Police Officers can wear uniform even if off duty (confirmed by GMP). If you have a tunic, or can beg, borrow or otherwise acquire one please do so – this is the preferred dress. If not, police fleeces are the secondary option (should be zipped up to the chequered line).
Please wear white shirt and tie if possible as opposed to black operational shirts. Also if off duty, DO NOT wear utility belts or PPE, and especially do not carry batons, handcuffs or CS, Pepper, Pava or similar spray with you.
Police staff should have no problem either wearing uniform on the day/s but please check with your own force if unsure.
Members of the general public are asked to dressed according to the occasion.
I am fully aware of the general mood and low levels of morale in the police service at the moment, and I am no different to anyone else in that respect, but this is not an opportunity for political point scoring or ‘having a go’ at senior police officers or politicians. Please do not wear clothing with controversial or offensive comments on. There will be plenty of time for action on other matters at a more relevant time.
We are there to honour two murdered police officers and that can be our only focus.
There will be an overwhelming amount of media coverage on the day and many, many journalists will be eager to speak with mourners and gain their opinions and views. If you feel uneasy talking to the press, please direct them to either the official Greater Manchester Police or GMP Federation Media Officers, the details of which they WILL have. Any none immediate press enquiries can be fielded off to myself and I will put them in contact with the most appropriate person.
To echo the words of Ian Hanson, Chairman of the Greater Manchester Police Federation:
We want to make these two funerals events that Manchester will never forget, and which will show the families that every police officer in the country is there with them
To do that we would encourage any colleague who is available to come to Manchester and line the route of each funeral procession next Wednesday and Thursday.
There will be ample room for all. It does not matter what uniform you wear, it’s about being there.
GMP Federation also wish to point out that this is not a formal event being organised by Greater Manchester Police or the Federation. They are making colleagues from around the country aware of what GMP officers are doing with regard to the funerals with an open invitation for others to join them on the day to pay their respects and remember the lives of PC’s Fiona Bone and Nicola Hughes.
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TRANSPORT
Trains & Buses:
I know early on there was suggestion that Virgin Trains & National Express were going to provide transport for police officers wishing to attend the funerals. I understand both companies were in contact with GMP direct but have not yet had any update from either side as to whether any such arrangements have been finalised.
The nearest railway station to the Cathedral and Deansgate is Manchester Victoria – literally a few minutes walk away. There is also a tram service from Manchester Piccadilly to Victoria Station.
Car Parking:
There are many car parks in and around Manchester City Centre but they can fill up quickly and can be very pricey so I am informed.
The best car park to use is the huge 24 hour one on the site of the old Boddingtons Brewery where you can park for £3.00 all day !
This car park is at the very end of Victoria Street (continuation of Deansgate) and at its junction with Trinity Way, opposite the M.E.N. Arena and again, only a few minutes walk from the Cathedral.
The address for this car park is 32 Great Ducie Street, M60 3WB
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GMP should hopefully have location maps available on Monday which will also be available on this site.
In the days since the tragic deaths of our colleagues Fiona Bone and Nicola Hughes we have been overwhelmed with messages of condolence and offers to provide whatever support we need. It is incredibly moving to see how Fiona and Nicola have touched so many lives and I know that their families have taken great comfort from these messages.
We are working closely with Fiona and Nicola’s families to ensure they are able to give them the tribute that they deserve. Our priority continues to be ensuring that their wishes are carried out next week.
The response through the Cover for GMP movement has been incredible and something that we have never seen before.
We are keen to bring colleagues in from other forces to work with us and help us through the difficult days next week. To achieve this we have asked PNICC ( Police National Information Co-ordination Centre) to act as a co-ordinating point and forces will be asked to identify two officers who have the relevant training and can come to Greater Manchester next week and provide support.
Other officers who wish to come to Greater Manchester to pay tribute to Fiona and Nicola can help to line the route to Manchester Cathedral along Deansgate.
Many people outside of the police service have also wanted to provide us with support which is incredibly touching. And while we honour the memories of our two brave colleagues we would also ask people to recognise the work that takes place by police officers every day in communities across the UK.
This is the job that Fiona and Nicola loved doing. It is the job they were doing on Tuesday 18 September – protecting people. While we are not able to accept all the kind offers of support that we have received it would be a fitting tribute to our two colleagues if people directed their kind offers of support to their local officers wherever they may be. Finding their own way to recognise the contribution they make.
People can still sign the online book of condolence or make donations. The Police Federation are also organising wristbands in remembrance of Fiona and Nicola with the proceeds being provided to the families.
On behalf of the families of Fiona and Nicola, their colleagues and the whole of GMP, I want to thank everyone for their kind messages and offers of support. The response to the terrible events last week have been a great source of comfort to the families, friends and colleagues in fact to the whole of GMP. So thank you and I hope that you are able to find a way to join with us to remember Fiona and Nicola next week.
This is the poem by PC Amie Holland of Greater Manchester Police, written by her, dedicated to the memory of PC’s Fiona Hope and Nicola Hughes, and read out live on air by Amie herself.
This poem has come to be the words of the entire British policing family, friends and members of the public, as we all try to come to terms with, and try and understand, what happened in Mottram on the 18th September.
PC Nicola Hughes and PC Fiona Bone – Funeral arrangements
Today we have seen an enormous show of support from colleagues and the community who took part in the vigil to remember Fiona and Nicola.
It was a very poignant morning when we reflected on the past week. We are continuing to support their families at what is obviously an extremely difficult time.
Following conversations with both families and respecting their wishes, we now know that the funeral arrangements will be:
PC Nicola Hughes: Wednesday 3 October at 1pm, Manchester Cathedral
PC Fiona Bone: Thursday 4 October at 10am, Manchester Cathedral
I understand that many of you may wish to attend. The Force Events Section will make contact with Divisions and Branches to coordinate arrangements. We will be taking up offers of assistance from other forces.
We will provide further information over the next few days.
We have been extremely touched by the messages of support and offers of help from police officers and staff around the country.
There have been thousands of people and organisations wanting to assist and give up their time including using the #coverforgmp hashtag on Twitter and Facebook.
Our priority continues to be to support the families of Fiona and Nicola and we are speaking to them as they consider what arrangements they want.
We have spoken to the Association of Chief Police Officers and have asked them to co-ordinate the offers of support from forces so that we can take up some of the kind offers but ensure that we can still do the best for the families.
We intend to have representation from every UK force either in supporting the force providing cover for GMP or attending the funerals.
We will provide some more information about the plans once we have details from the families of Fiona and Nicola.
For all those who have offered their time and support to GMP: Assistant Chief Constable Garry Shewan, said:
“First of all I want to say a heartfelt thank you for everyone’s kind offer of support to GMP.
“People and organisations from every walk of life have contacted us to pledge their support and to give up their time.
“Today, ACPO will be releasing a note to all Forces to explain that we will be grateful to take up all genuine offers of assistance, but they will of course need some time to organise the logistics of this.
“However these kind offers haven’t just come from within the police family.
We have had volunteers from numerous different organisations offering to help out. We will find a way to work with any members of the public and any organisations who want to show their solidarity.
“We will work with other forces to arrange the support from within the police service, but, just as importantly we promise to come back to everybody, no matter where they are, as soon as we can. We will do our utmost to ensure that everyone who has offered their help will be able to do so.
“Once again, thank you for your support – it really makes a difference.”
The last few days have, it’s fair to say, been a blur; sleep has become a distant memory. Like every decent person around the country, police officer, staff, family, friend or not, I felt physically sick when the news started coming out about the horrendous murders of PC’s Fiona Bone and Nicola Hughes in Manchester on September 18th.
After writing my post on the matter, It Tomorrow Never Comes, and whilst watching one of the BBC News Channel live feeds from the scene I received a tweet from @ResponseSgt wondering if a small number of officers could be rallied to #CoverForGMP so their own teams could attend the funerals of the officers concerned. Shortly afterwards I had a similar tweet from @TheCustodySgt (or it may have been the other way round).
After a couple of minutes thinking about it, I reckoned that shouldn’t be too difficult, even to get 40 or 50 bobbies from GMP or one of the neighbouring forces to step in and help their colleagues and so I tweeted the message
Calling all cars …. Would you work a day in GMP so their officers can attend funerals for Fiona and Nicola ? #coverforGMP
I then went off to mow the lawn, with the thought of ‘how would that work’ milling over in the back of my mind whilst I cut the grass.
Not very long after at all, Mrs C, who as it happened wasn’t working that day either, came out into the garden saying “Chaos, what’s wrong with your phone it won’t stop beeping”. As soon as I looked at the screen and saw the sheer number of notifications and emails outstanding, I knew something big was happening !
Within a very short space of time, my initial guestimate of that 40-50 officers to help had been blown well out of the water. Within hours, over 1,500 police officers, staff and members of the public had offered to get to Manchester and do whatever was asked of them, for free !!, in order that the officers, staff and people of Manchester could pay their respects at the funerals of their fallen colleagues.
A couple of days later and there are now well over 5,000 people who have said YES to #CoverForGMP ! – yes, that’s right, OVER 5,000 !!
And that’s on my Facebook and Twitter alone. Many, many more have already contacted GMP and their own forces to offer help.
These are people from all over the country; yes many are police officers and staff who directly feel the pain that Fiona and Nicola’s colleagues, families and friends are going through – but many are not. They are everyday folk who are also so overwhelmingly shocked and affected by what has happened that they also feel the need to do something, anything, to help out. For that, and for every kind word received by me, by GMP, and all the other police forces round the country I can only say a big, big thank you yet again.
On top of that, Virgin Trains and National Express have also indicated their wish to assist us moving people around and have been put in direct contact with the Senior Officers Teams at Greater Manchester Police.
Highways Agency staff are queuing up to volunteer to work on the day to keep the expected boom on vehicle numbers flowing as freely as possible.
There are hundreds and hundreds of messages of support of people offering to just turn up and make tea for everyone (never going to say no to that) and others the other end of the country wanting to make sandwiches, bake cakes, get up in the middle of the night and drive hundreds of miles to help keep everyone fed !
With all the police-bashing that has gone on lately from all sides, just ask yourself this: Where else would you get literally thousands of people, offering to work FOR FREE; at very short notice; on a day off, or even book annual leave, to do someone else’s job; to drive possibly hundreds of miles into the bargain; to cook and clean; to answer phones; to walk the streets; to deal with some of the worst that life can throw at us ?? – has this one tragic event alone, shown everyone that the United Kingdom still has the best police service in the world, and that the vast majority of the British public actually do believe in and support their police officers.
More importantly, will it be that if one positive thing can come out of the horrendous events of September 18th, will it be that the police and the public will begin to re-engage in a big way ??
Let’s also remember, this hasn’t been started by some kind of Mutual Aid request from GMP or any other force – it’s not a plan that’s been put together by any Chief Officer – it’s not really a ‘plan’ at all !! – this has purely been driven by, dare I say it, ‘frontline’ police officers, so shocked and numbed about what has happened that they felt the need to channel their emotions, very quickly, into something as positive as possible. I think we have achieved that.
As expected, there have been a few negative comments thrown my way about this whole idea, which I don’t think I worth giving penance to, but to the couple of people that have suggested I’m only doing this to try and get a promotion; Really ?? think about it – NO, not a chance !! and anyway I’m anonymous and intend to stay that way – I’m doing this because I’m in a position where I can, it’s as simple as that !
There is a heck of a lot of planning going on behind the scenes at Greater Manchester Police already, and any final decision on how they can best make use of the offers on the table has to be a logistical decision for them. I know that the Senior Officers are doing everything they can to make #CoverForGMP happen but of course, the wishes of the families affected will be paramount.
All updates will be announced immediately by GMP who will be in charge of any operation, the GMP Federation, Police Federation nationally, and will be cascaded via myself and also directly to all other UK police forces so please keep following on Twitter and/or Facebook for quickest updates. On Twitter make sure you are following:
If possible, please do not call the number being re-posted on Facebook/Twitter for Greater Manchester Police. This is a General Enquiry Helpdesk number. The staff in there are being fantastic and they are recorded peoples info onto a database in readiness, but the number IS getting swamped and our calls may delay genuine requests for service from GMP getting through.
If you would like to add your support / comments, please do so here –> Calling All Cars … Would You #CoverForGMP – everything will be made available to GMP as required.
The most likely scenario is that each Police Force outside of GMP will be asked to collate and coordinate their own staff / officers. If you are GMP please speak with your Line Managers / Duties Teams. I’m not sure yet exactly what the plan is for members of the public offering help but this will be announced in due course as well.
The suggestion I have put forward to Senior people involved, based on feedback I’ve had, is that a number of officers working on a ‘mutual aid’ type basis could cover mobile patrols in the main areas, freeing up GMP officers, whilst the rest line the routes, in uniform. I must stress this is not a confirmed plan and is remember, subject to the families approval.
Once again, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP, SUPPORT AND KIND WORDS.
One final note …. I was originally going to call this post ‘It Started With A Tweet’
“Eternal” a tribute to PC Fiona Bone and PC Nicola Hughes
I didn’t know them but I have been where they were. Running to a job in progress without thinking too much about what I was actually running toward.
I didn’t know them but I have done what they were doing. I joined for the same reasons. I had that Calling – the burning passion to help and make a difference.
I didn’t know them but I was once in their shoes being sent to the scene of some incident or other with the full intention of doing good when I got there.
I didn’t know them but I have left my family and loved ones at all hours of the day and night, accepting the dangers i might face but with the full expectation of returning home at the end of a shift.
I didn’t know them but I worked with people like them. I have seen their faces around every briefing room, in every station I have ever worked in. I have had the pleasure of working alongside them and supervising them and helping them achieve their goals.
I didn’t know them but I have had to deliver that painful message that a loved one isn’t ever coming home again.
I didn’t know them but I know the helplessness of desperately trying to save a life when you know all hope is gone.
I didn’t know them but they were my colleagues, my friends, my family.
I didn’t know Fiona or Nicola. But although I didn’t know them – I actually knew them very well indeed.
We weren’t in the same force but we were part of the same service.
That service, that family is now stricken at the loss of two sisters who were known and adored my many…
but who will be recognised, loved and mourned by thousands.
They have been taken from us cruelly and far too early.
I didn’t know them but my sorrow will last a lifetime.
My thanks for what they were doing for us all will be everlasting.
I am currently a serving GMP Police Constable working on the Bolton Division. I did not know the girls personally, but a loss of two of our own is felt across the force. Therefore I wanted to do something to honour their memory. I have written this poem and I dedicate it to my two incredibly brave colleagues. I want to share this poem with as many people as possible and it has already received almost 1,000 likes and over 100 comments on Facebook in just 24 hours. I am speechless at the response my poem has received and have been truly humbled by some of the comments I have received. I dedicate it to the G Division’s two brave officers. Rest in peace girls xx
The alarm clock goes off, it’s early in the morn,
I rub my eyes as I let out a yawn.
As I dress my mind wonders of the day that lies ahead,
As I count the hours until I can return to my bed.
Another working day as I creep from my house,
Leaving loved ones to sleep, I’m as quiet as a mouse.
My car pulls from the drive, the radio blurs into life,
What will the day bring, what troubles, what strife?
There it is, my nick, I see it, I care,
As I pass by the badge I so proudly wear.
Vest on, belt on, to the parade room I go,
To my colleagues and friends, banter in full flow.
We’re briefed up and ready for the challenges of the day,
To serve and protect in every sigle way.
In our panda we patrol listening so carefully,
To the radio on which a call soon will there be.
And it comes, it’s inevitable, a job there for us,
A call for help, for the help of ‘the fuzz.’
“On route” I say as we continue to chat,
Most likely about refs or of this and of that.
All so quickly we arrive, to the house we draw near,
Then I see him, it’s him, I cannot move with fear.
The most wanted man standing here in front of me,
Then I see it, there’s a bang, all is still, this cannot be.
It’s dark, I’m alone, “What happened?” I say,
Why did this become that dreaded day?
I have a family, a life stretching out before me,
Though most just don’t see it, she’s just another PC.
Yes I have seen and done things that most of you fear,
For the job and the badge that I hold oh so dear.
But I’m not just a uniform, I’m a person too,
Yes I may be a bobby, but I’m someone’s daughter like you.
But today I have made the ultimate sacrifice,
With my life I have paid the largest price.
With pride and integrity, I did serve and protect,
Though at times it was hard and we were shown no respect.
But it was our job, off we went, so professional and formal,
Not knowing this day would be anything but normal.
I have no regrets, the service I willingly gave,
Day in and day out, I never saw it as brave.
And now I move on, new friends most I meet,
As I walk my shift on heaven’s beat.
But please don’t forget me, on parade I once sat,
Just a girl who happened to wear a bobby’s hat.
By PC Amie Holland, Bolton Division, Greater Manchester Police
This was a piece of sound advice given to me on Day One by my Tutor Constable, somewhere in the dim, dark and distant past of the Chaos career.
I never really understood why he was telling me this at the time, although he did quantify it by telling me that every now and then, someone will never get the chance to say ‘sorry’ when it’s needed ….. and that better not be me !
It was a bit deep for that moment, especially on my first ‘live’ morning in the job, when all I could think about was not bashing all the teacups onto the floor with my shiny new baton, or gazing in awe at the dozen or so ‘experienced’ police officers that now sat around me in the briefing room.
But the events in Manchester yesterday, have brought that one line straight back to the front of my mind. Now I’m not suggesting for one minute that either PC Fiona Bone or PC Nicola Hughes had had a cross word with anybody – as every early-turn officer did yesterday, they got up, went to work, and intended to spend the day doing the job they loved, helping the people of the area they served.
No one, absolutely no one, could have predicted the horrific turn of events that was to take place in Abbey Gardens, Mottram, Manchester, at around 11.00am.
As PC’s Bone and Hughes attended a perfectly routine report of a house burglary, something police officers up and down the country, both in uniform and CID do every single day, they were met in the street with a hail of gunfire and then a grenade being thrown towards them. Witnesses describe hearing ‘a dozen or so shots and then 10 seconds later a loud bang’.
One of the officers died at the scene and the other shortly afterwards in hospital.
Shortly afterwards, Dale Cregan, Manchester’s Most Wanted man, walked into Hyde Police Station and handed himself in. Initial reports suggest the original burglary call was a bogus report, made either by Cregan himself or someone acting on his behalf, and was made purely to lure police officers to the location with only one purpose in mind.
Virtually every police officer that was on duty yesterday went home to their partners, family and friends.
Two didn’t.
And as a result, the whole police family, across the UK and beyond, is mourning.
Yesterday afternoon I tweeted “with now 2 murdered police officers, today is not the day for cheap political point scoring #GMP #RIP” and that was right. There was clearly a lot of anger showing in some of the comments being posted on various Social Media, but they are arguments for another day – a day when the facts are known and can be debated clearly and rationally.
Everyone’s thoughts had to be, and still do, with the immediate families, friends and colleagues of Fiona Bone and Nicola Hughes, two young women, doing nothing more than the job they love and trying to make Manchester a better place for everyone. Nicola for goodness sake was only 23 – I’ve got kids older than that !!!
Speaking of which my younger two, aged 14 and 9, were unusually quiet yesterday evening. One of them may still be fairly young but she’s very switched on, probably far more so than I was at her age. Having got past all the ‘nothings’ when asking them what was wrong, as I tucked the younger one into bed she said to me “You won’t get shot will you ?”. how can you answer that – I couldn’t. But it demonstrates very clearly just how far the repercussions of a madman’s actions quickly spread.
And so, back to my Tutors words of wisdom – Never Leave Home On A Bad Note …
We’ve all done it.
I’ve done it … grumbled at Mrs C over something completely trivial and pointless, so pointless in fact that by the time I’ve got into the car I can’t even remember what it was, or shouted at the kids for treading mushed up Chewits all over the living room carpet just as I was going out the door to start another Friday night shift in Chaos Town.
But I’ve been lucky. At the end of every shift I’ve returned home. Yes, there have been some close calls along the way – I’ve had knives, swords and machetes galore waved in my face – some of them very close, too close for comfort !!
I’ve been jumped on by three drugged crazed loopies, hell bent on stopping me from stopping them from doing what they want to do, with the resultant outcome being me losing two teeth and having my nose rearranged before my colleagues got to my aid.
I’ve even had a bus glance me as I was knelt in the road giving first aid to a seriously injured person – clearly the police car with big yellow and blue stickers, flashing blue lights and me wearing a hi vis yellow jacket wasn’t enough of a hazard warning for the driver !!!
But the point remains, at the end of every day – I’ve been lucky; I’ve come home, more or less in one piece. Fiona Bone and Nicola Hughes didn’t get that option yesterday.
So what I will say, over and above my sympathies that have already been sent to the families of those affected; to the Greater Manchester Police, and to the policing family countrywide is this:
No matter what your day throws at you, life’s to short to be angry at those you love. Take that extra minute to say sorry; to say you love someone; for that hug; for that kiss. Don’t be the one for whom tomorrow never comes ….
The half-night shift had really got off to a good start for Big Pete and myself … all those best laid plans had already gone by the wayside as within fifteen minutes of booking on shift we were grappling on the floor with some drunken crazy guy who objected most profusely to us barging our way into his house and having the gall to arrest him for, in his eyes, “nothing more than giving the old bitch a good slap” !! After all, apparently she’d deserved it by the realms of some god-forsaken twisted reasoning that we really couldn’t be bothered to delve into but in either way, he was going to be spending the next few hours in one of our palatial hotel rooms whilst the poor innocent lady of the house had to endure hours of waiting down at the local A&E to get her now swollen, battered and bruised face looked at.
It didn’t help matters that the local Custody Unit was already full, the only van on our sector was broke ….. again ….. and we had a additional 20 minute journey to the next nearest available cell space in a neighbouring division. The trip consisted mainly of much shouting and balling, and me virtually sat on top of our latest friend in the back of the panda for the majority of the journey whilst Big Pete ‘made progress’ and arranged for a nice welcoming committee to greet our guest when we arrived at his new temporary home.
Dave and Kate had kindly offered to meet the lady down at the hospital and take some details from her whilst we dealt with the males accommodation requests and then headed back to Bigtown to start the great paperchase.
It’s not actually a bad drive back from Medbury to Bigtown, especially when you get chance to look at the view; aren’t hurtling along it at break-neck speeds and aren’t sat on top of the wriggling writhing mess of a 16 stone violent, smelly drunken wife-beater. As you come over the top of Medbury Rise there is a great view for miles over the rolling hills of the next county and a good long mile long straight down a shallow incline back towards Bigtown itself. In fact the only thing to spoil the view as you drop down the bank is the whacking great hyper-mega-mart superstore that the local planning committee decided what an ideal thing to build across several acres of prime greenbelt land.
Still even the thoughts of endless hours of paperwork for some CPS lawyer on the end of a phone and fax machine to read and then decide he wasn’t brave enough to prosecute didn’t deter from a splendid Autumn evenings view –hardly a cloud in the sky, the sun just getting ready to set over to our left …. and a great plume of thick black smoke rising from the ground some distance ahead of us ……
Now there’s a thing about smoke – I don’t know if you’ve taken much notice. If it’s white, or light grey, or a bluey-grey colour, that tends to suggest that there’s wood or general rubbish burning; a bonfire, or maybe even an over excited chimney …. but this smoke was black as coal, and there were lots of it !! Pete and I both knew the typical signs of a car or building on fire – something with lots of rubber, plastics and other equally man-made products which were now expelling themselves over much of the nearby environment.
I think both of our shoulders dropped at the same time and we both let out a sigh as Big Pete commented “Best we go and have a nosey at that don’t you think ?” There was no chance of anyone else being able to deal – the other 50% of our late shift were down the local hospital with our IP, so with great visions of further impending doom, Big Pete started heading towards the sources of the situation. I called up on the radio just to see if we had had any calls about a fire, which we hadn’t, and then asked the Control Room to give Trumpton a ring, wake them up (after all it was getting on for 8.00pm !!) and see if they had a special secret they might want to let us in on. The reply came back a few minutes later that indeed, the Fire Service had had a couple of calls and had sent an appliance out but hadn’t been able to locate anything as yet.
Now I’m not a fireman, and nor is Big Pete. We’ve not had all the extensive training that firefighters get these days in dealing with tricky and difficult / dangerous situations, but Pete and I both conceded that despite our limited knowledge and training on such matters, we reckoned that if you continued to head towards where the smoke was coming from, the chances are you might stumble across a clue or two as to what was going on !!!
Between us and the site of the impending disaster was an industrial estate, which obviously was where to problem lay; in one of the factories or units there; most likely an accident, and probably something involving nasty, horrible chemicals which as far as we were concerned, was as good an excuse as anything for the fire engine to get there first. We were going to be more than happy to stick a road closure on somewhere nearby, preferably upwind, so as to stop any innocent (nut most likely as nosy as vultures) members of the public straying to near to the proably noxious substances spewing out of Acme Widgets & Co or whichever business had now gone up in flames.
The problem was, as we got nearer, it became more and more obvious that the source of the fire wasn’t. It was definitely still a mile or so away from us, over the fields beyond the industrial park. “There’s nothing special over there” Big Pete quipped “Well nothing but that Farm Park place where the kids go”.
As soon as he said it we both knew where we would be going …… Holly Farm
Holly Farm has become quite a successful local enterprise. Given the difficulties faced by the farming community in general over the last few years, many framers have diversified into other areas such as accommodation; Working Farm Experiences, etc – there’s one not far off that’s built a big go-karting track over what used to be dairy cattle pasture, but Holly Farm has gone one better and turned itself into a mini-wildlife park, complete with lots of friendly animals so visiting kids can get in with them and feed the goats and sheep and wallabies and suchlike. It still didn’t explain why there was copious amounts of black smoke coming from the location though.
As we got closer however, it became quite clear that one of the wooden buildings had taken on the appearance of a dress rehearsal for Bonfire Night. All that stood between us at this point was a hundred metres or so … and an eight foot high pair of wooden gates …. chained and padlocked wooden gates. Whilst I was busy on the radio interrupting a controller desperately trying to deploy two PCSO’s to a now three hour old report of the heinous offence of kids playing football on some grass to let them know where we were and would they mind awfully letting the Fire Service know where to go as well, Big Pete had set about destroying the padlocks to the gate with the aid of a jemmy bar and big red key we luckily happened to have about our persons – or at least in the boot of the panda.
Once inside it became clear that a fair few of the animals were in varying states of distress – certainly none of them wanted to be the next item on Burger King’s Flame Grilled menu !!! there was a fair amount of assorted animal noises and stomping of hooved and other feet as the heat and smoke form the fire spread itself around the main enclosure area. The flames, as luck would have it, appeared to be coming from a very full hay storage barn (although how much hay was now left was a debateable point) rather than one of the animal pens themselves, but that didn’t alter the fact that it was very close, none of the staff or keepers were on hand to move the animals, and that meant we were going to have to do something about it.
“We’ll just have to open the pens” shouted Big Pete, “it’s fairly enclosed here” he said, pointing roughly to the visitor area where we we both stood, and pointing to another paddock not too far away he shouted louder “if we can herd them over there they’ll be fine”.
“Just one thing” I shouted back, trying to make myself heard above the crackling of the flames, and the noises of the resident animals, but before I could challenge Pete as to his round-up abilities, he was already lifting the bolts on the first pen and releasing the assorted livestock from their pens. “Have you any idea how to move this lot then ?” I shouted as loud as I can just as Pete opened the gate on the last pen and out ran three of the biggest,most humungous, angry, scared, antlered creatures you have ever seen. Evidently they didn’t want to stay where they were a moment longer; and their anger at being faced with the prospect of being this evenings Special Whopper Meal was only topped by the anger they felt towards this pair of yellow jacketed buffoons who were now stood in the middle of their compound !!!
“Aren’t they reindeer ?” shouted Pete. “Hell if I know” I called back “but they ain’t happy” and with that, the reindeer, accompanied by various other deer and cloven hoofed animals which Big Pete had just saved from their inevitable doom showed their appreciation by all running at full speed towards … well in any direction they could to be honest as long as it was away from us. Suddenly, Pete took off his fluorescent jacket and started waving it about like a Matador’s red cape, not really sure if it was intended to be used as a deflectionary tool, or a target for the wildlife to aim at “Which one do you think is Rudolph ?” he yelled, and then laughed, clearly enjoying himself far too much.
Bizarrely it seemed to work. Or maybe the livestock just felt sorry for him, or got fed up of laughing at him themselves. Either way the animals started closing together and herding away from Pete’s flapping Hi-Vis jacket. “Come on” he yelled “Get yours off and help – we need to drive them at that paddock”.
So there we were, the two of us, waving our yellow police coats in the wind, amongst the thick smoke of a burning barn, hoping amongst all hopes that the animals would be sufficiently more frightened of us mad-men than they were of the fire, and head off in the direction we needed them to go.
After a few false starts, we managed to corral the animals into a small paddock far enough from danger that they wouldn’t come to any harm, then took a moment to contemplate our next move. Now we’d got them there what were we going to do with them all. After all, they must have been kept in separate pens for a reason – the last thing we wanted now was to be threatened with being sued for accidently allowing the wrong two animals to start getting too frisky with each other.
And then, whilst we we having a laugh to ourselves about what had just happened, we heard a strange, other noise ….. almost like, well very like, the sound of people clapping. We both turned around at the same time to find the crews of two fire engines stood behind us, propped against a small boundary fence, laughing and clapping at us two, smoke covered, worn out and dishevelled souls. A couple of the firefighters had two hoses trained on the burning hay and barn, but the rest had undoubtedly rested themselves in a prime spot to watch the two Woodentops do their own Morecambe and Wise type live special, and had found the whole thing highly, highly amusing.
At least when the staff arrived they thanked us for our prompt efforts before calmly wandering over to the evils megabeasts and simply slipping collars onto them and leading them away, one by one to another part of the site as if nothing had happened. The Fire Investigator deemed the blaze to have been accidental – seems it’s a very common thing for stored hay and straw to spontaneously combust – something to do with the chemical reactions.
Big Pete and I made our excuses then, and left them all to it – after all we still had a worlds worth of paperwork to get through from our earlier domestic. We never did work out however, given that Dave and Kate, the only two other officers on duty at Bigtown were still down the hospital with our victim, who was responsible, but by the time we arrived back at the nick, our trays and desks were absolutely plastered in pictures of Rudolph and any number of other reindeer type images.
We were, of course, also very proud to have gotten a mention in the weekly Force Bulletin, which outlines major incidents that have taken place, along with a copy of the appreciation letter from a Mr S Claus thanking us for all our efforts to protect and save his flock, and assuring us that it would be remembered and we would get an extra special something in our stockings next Christmas ….. why oh why did I get the feeling it would be Reindeer droppings though …….??
I recently had the opportunity / privilege to speak quite candidly with a very senior police officer about a number of the issues facing the policing community all over the country – not just us down on the ground floor, but also those in the upper echelons of the crime fighting world.
Much discussion took place regarding the cutbacks, and how detrimental they are to our ability to keep the public safe if we continue to work to the same system. I explained that in my view policing is not essentially an over-complicated role in its own right, but has been deliberately made so over a number of years in order to justify the existence of others – empire building if you like !
If you go right back to Peel’s Principles (and you can read my previous post about them by clicking here) then it’s obvious from day one that the purpose and role of the police has always been to keep the peace, preserve life and property, and prevent crime and disorder.
However, a whole multitude of other roles and tasks have, over the years, been craftily and sometimes very sneakily stuck on to us with odd bits of blu-tac and sticky tape, until we have got to the point where no matter what the problem is, and who is intentionally responsible for dealing with it – virtually every other part of the public sector is allowed to down pens (especially at 4pm on a Friday), go home without care or recourse, safe in the knowledge that whatever happens, the police will sort it out – we are after all, the service of last resort ….. and we are free at the point of use !
I then explained that if we had leadership strong enough, and brave enough, to join together and say “You know what, that’s your job not ours, you sort it …” we could easy relieve a great deal of pressure from our already over-stretched resources, and then by default, any direct cuts to our service would be far less impactive.
Of course, I was politely informed that ‘it isn’t that simple’ …. but in reality that’s exactly what it is !
More so, if we didn’t have to jump through multiple hoops as we do now just to obtain the slightest bit of information that would help our enquiries, things would be a lot simpler, quicker … dare I say it … cheaper. No I won’t, I hate that word – I meant more cost effective.
If only it were as simple as CSI where some Armani wearing catwalk model can wipe a cotton bud on a road surface (without gloves or a face mask to prevent cross-contamination I may add !!!) and in seconds have the offenders name, address, photograph, driving licence number and complete copies of the last twelve months shopping lists appear on a screen in front of you – if you seriously sat down and explained to a member of the public what is actually involved in submitting a sample for forensic analysis and the time and money involved, they’d think you were deranged and probably call the little men in white coats !!
We also talked about the current round of changes taking place in the police service nationally, and specifically about the extent and effects of massively reducing the amount of money being spent on policing. Simply, as a bobby on the beat trying to do the job of keeping the public safe, how are we going to do it without some fundamental changes into the things we do and the way they are done ?
It seemed, yet again, I was looking at things far too simply – probably too simply for my own good.
Apparently, as I was informed, there are Working Groups for this, and project groups for that; we currently even have management focus teams to oversee and report back on what the other think-tanks and workgroups are doing – it seems to me that we have more committees than crime-fighters at the moment !!
Alliances are the buzz word of the day. Every force had been told it has to ‘align’ with a neighbouring force to consider ways to save money further. This is not a bad thing of course – as any person working in a buying office will tell you – economies of scale have great benefits. They will also tell you that given the police service is essentially a national organisation, the phenomenal advantages of national purchasing quantities would reap outstanding, nay eyewatering savings – and then ask why we haven’t been doing it that way for years !!
The reason is fairly simple – because, over a number of years, individual police forces have built up a beer belly sized middle management structure, full of those mini-empires, none of whom particularly want to speak to each other for fear that if anyone notices they work better as a group, someone might be for the chop. In fairness it’s a similar picture across much of the public sector – and why the NHS has more pen-pushers than it does doctors and nurses !
Take for instance the subject of police cars. In the Chaos Constabulary and in most other forces round the country, officers on the ground have long since argued that of reasons of practicality if nothing else, estate cars are a far more useful tool than hatchbacks. Just imagine for a moment all of the equipment carried in the boot of your average police panda – not the big shiny Traffic or Response Cars or the Armed Response Vehicles, but your average chug around town diesel panda car.
There’s traffic cones and warning signs for the scenes of RTC’s, first aid and water safety/rescue kits, fire extinguishers, property seizure kits (bags of all shapes & sizes, tags and seals), shovels & brooms and much much more. Also crammed into that boot space is all the electronics for the police radios, the emergency warning equipment (lights and sirens), data recorder and goodness knows what else. Imagine trying to cram all that stuff into the boot of your Ford Focus or Vauxhall Astra hatchback and see what happens !! And that’s before you consider the kit bags and paperwork that the one or two officers using that vehicle will be carrying !
The net cost increase per unit at replacement to upgrade from a hatchback to an estate is only a few hundred quid (I’m told unofficially it’s less than £600). If you assume a typical non-metropolitan force has 100 pandas, we are talking a total upgrade cost in the region of £60,000 – less than the cost of the Chief Constables’ shiny top of the range Jaguar or Range Rover !!
I mention estate panda’s as an example as this exact scenario has been the subject of an ‘ongoing working group’ in Chaos land for some three years or more now. If, by chance, you also want to talk about exchanging the old-school spinning bits of plastic on the tops of these pandas with modern, more effective, and more visible LED lightbars, that’s a different committee altogether !!! and the two don’t talk to each other !! – that’s done through one of those management focus team thingies !!
Now I don’t know how many panda’s each force genuinely has, but based on my simple figure of 100 – multiply that by the 43 police forces and suddenly someone would have a lot more bargaining power when they walk into their local garage (colloquially speaking) and ask for a price on 4,300 identical specc’ed vehicles.
I then commented that it seemed to me to be a case of ‘The Golgafrincham Theory’ which, to my great surprise, the senior officer smiled and told me ‘you’re probably right’. I don’t know if I was more taken aback they I had been agreed with, or that this person knew exactly what I was talking about.
For anyone (and I can’t believe there is anyone left out there) who isn’t familiar with ‘The Golgafrinchan Theory’, it goes like this:
The planet of Golgafrincham has (or rather had) a mysterious and ancient history, in which the most mysterious figures were The Great Circling Poets of Arium. The planet, over time, developed a problem – a problem with population and especially a problem with inhabitants that, whilst serving no real useful purpose, had managed to manoeuvre themselves into the central band of society and comfortably sit there, happily discussing and conferring, but not actually doing anything productive.
To eradicate this problem, the descendants of The Great Circling Poets of Arium made up several tales of impending doom about the planet. The tales varied; some said it was going to crash into the sun, or the moon, or conversely that the sun or the moon were going to crash into the planet. Others, of a more realistic nature, said the planet was to be invaded by twelve-foot piranha bees, and still other great thinkers decreed the whole planet was in danger of being eaten by an enormous mutant star goat.
These tales of impending doom allowed the Golgafrinchans to rid themselves of an entire useless third of their population. The story went that they would build three massive Ark ships, leave Golgafrincham before the impending doom actually doomed upon them and transfer the entire planetary population to another similar planet, where they could start all over again – a sort of massively excessive reset button.
Into the A ship would go all the leaders and scientists, notaries, important people and other achievers. Into the C ship were supposed to the people who made things and did things, and into the B ark would go everyone else, such as hairdressers, management consultants, marketing guru’s and telephone sanitizers.
They sent the B ship off first full of promises of how the others would follow behind, and of how important they, the pioneers of the B-Ark were to the future existence of the Golgafrichan race. The occupants of the B-Ark were, of course, so self indulgent; so believing of their own invented doctrine that they were the most important members of the Golgafrichan society that they could not be done without that they fell for this hook, line and sinker. Certainly they had utilised their best efforts to position themselves such that they could portray the image to all of those around that without them in place, society as the planet knew it, would collapse.
Having successfully sent the B-Ark ship off first, the other two-thirds of the population stayed on the planet and were perfectly able to continue living full, rich, fruitful and happy lives until one fateful day when they were all wiped out by a virulent disease contracted from a dirty telephone handset showing that out of all those people on the B-Ark who thought they were essential in their own minds, only a few were actually needed !
My contact at this point, probably mistakenly, admitted that they were very aware of, and frustrated by, the vast number of people in the middle of policing organisations who, for their own reasons, fail to pass on, or deliberately block out, information from the ground floor which by rights, those at the top should be kept fully aware of, but because of alternative reasoning or peoples own agendas, stalls at a crucial stage.
It’s only when things go wrong and fingers start getting pointed (normally as far downhill as they can of course) that these issues come to light but by then of course, it’s too late, and that’s where the blame game comes in.
“I’m fully aware that people don’t always tell me what I need to know but rather what they want me to know or they think i want to hear … and I will stamp that out, it helps no-one” were close as dammit to the words used.
The point here being that if we continue to waste time, money and effort on a lot of middle men (and women) who in reality cost us a lot, don’t achieve much and cause problems, then they are no more than a continual burden of cost that has to be removed elsewhere along the chain. And because of the way the chain is fixed, it’s far easier to take links off the bottom that from where it’s screwed to the wall at the top !
If, by the way, you would like to learn a little more about the Golgafrinchan peoples, please watch the very rare video below, shot by a BBC film crew who just happened to be filming and inter-planetary documentary on the plight of their race, and we on board the B-Ark as it neared its final destination ….
Before you think I’ve gone completely barmy, the planet of Golgrafricham and it’s problems are featured in The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe; the second instalment of The Hikers Guide To The Galaxy five book trilogy by the late, great Douglas Adams. You can buy the books, kindle copies and DVD’s from Amazon by clicking here.
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